Well, y’all, I fell off the wagon. Even as I write, I am slowly coming out of a
carb-coma. The worst part? I don’t even regret it. I know I will when my scale is up 7 lbs. next
week but for now I’m basking in breadstick heaven. It all started yesterday after my week 30
weigh in at the doc. I was down 5.6 lbs.
from last month and I’m a horrible person for feeling disappointed in
that. My doctor was so happy at my consistency
and said I was doing such a great job.
On the inside I was crying because I needed to lose more than that. I just kept telling myself, “You’re still on
track to make goal!” It wasn’t
helping. We were spreading good cheer at
work yesterday so my boss treated some staff to Jimmy John’s (please see
previous posting about its deliciousness).
They offer lettuce wrapped sandwiches but the lure of the dreamy French
bread got me. Oh, and then my boss and I
split a chocolate chunk cookie. I
seriously ate that sandwich in like 30 minutes because I was savoring every
morsel. It was REALLY good. I woke up this a.m. and went to spin as
normal and did some arms before class, but then my friend and I made a
conscious decision that today would be Fat Kid Friday. For lunch, we went to Olive Garden where I
proceeded to eat 2 breadsticks, chicken parmigiana and a side of
spaghetti. Oh, I also had salad and ate
the croutons. Oh, wait, I also ate the
two mints they bring you at the end. I almost
forgot about those suckers. It doesn’t
stop there either. When we got back to
the office, there was cake in the kitchen in celebration of August birthdays (my
job gets cake every month to celebrate anyone who had a birthday that month). I used to be a regular at cake time and I
haven’t had any since my own cake last December. Today’s selection was yellow cake with white
buttercream frosting and strawberry filling.
I DIE and ate a piece.
Now I sit here, epically full at my desk watching my belly
rise and fall with my breath. I’m so
uncomfortable but the guilt that usually follows a “cheat” isn’t here. This
scares the ever-loving shit out of me.
It’s scary how easily you can fall back into old habits. Even anyone who hasn’t been on a diet can
relate. You know that old relationship
you always go back to? My relationship
just happens to be with food. So why do
we do this? Why do we allow ourselves to
be controlled by food (or that old boyfriend)?
I think the past two days happened out of frustration, boredom and
overstimulation. I was frustrated at the
fact that I’d only lost 5.6 lbs. last month.
Well, silly, you’re not going to lose any more if you eat like you did
the last two days! I was bored with my
usual lunch of salad with protein, protein with vegetable, yadda yadda
yadda. I was also overstimulated by
Olive Garden commercials playing this morning and highlighting the butter
glistening off the breadsticks.
My doctor always stresses the importance of balance. At this time, in my weight loss journey, I
should be working my “diet” into my everyday life. The only way to be successful is to be faced
with the real world problems of food choices.
Yesterday and today were not the best choices, however, it’s up to me to
tell myself that it ends here and now.
Tomorrow is another day and the difference between Sarah now and Sarah
67 lbs. ago is that my eating all the things streak cannot continue for the
next week. I pledge to you, dear reader,
that as of dinner tonight I will be back on track. I can’t let one (or two plus cake) meals ruin
all the work I’ve put in. It can be a
downward spiral but only if you let it.
I promise you that you have the power and you control what your next
move is. So stop answering the phone
calls of that old boyfriend and don’t let his Facebook updates cause you to
think about him non-stop for 7 days.
Don’t let commercials temp you into filling your grocery cart with
Little Debbie snack cakes and tell yourself that you can and will do
better. Food choices we make are not something
to punish ourselves over. They happened
and it’s time to move on. It’s okay to
forget for a minute that you have to eat a certain way but make sure you stop
when you’re full, drink plenty of water and get back on track if you feel out
of control of the situation. Moderation
is key and your best friend for success!
A big part of me hopes that guilt didn’t accompany my lunch
because in my gut I know that this won’t define or change anything. I don’t feel guilty about a food choice I
made because it’s not the first and it’s not the last. There will always be a craving I give in to
or an over indulgence I have but I will always get back on track. It might take less than a day or it might
take several days. At the end of it, I
will never be my old self again. I will
never lose control so long that I have to break out the 2X size
sweatpants. This round, a Fat Kid Day
won’t change anything long term because I have changed. My mind and my determination are finally on
the same page.
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