Monday, August 11, 2014

Gym Boyfriends


I have a confession, I violate one of the “no-nos” that my gym scrolls on the TV screens- I stare at others when they’re working out.  I’m a people watcher to the core.  I think it’s hereditary as it’s one of my dad’s favorite pastimes, too.  Whenever he and mom come to visit me in Gainesville and we go shopping, dad happily parks himself outside Dillard’s on the comfy leather sofas to watch the people come and go.  Then when we pick him up after browsing, he is full of stories about people he wishes we could have seen.  At the gym, I mostly stare when I’m looking at your form or workout because I’m interested in what you’re doing that I’m not.  It should be a compliment.  Hey, you have a nice body and I want arms like yours!  I think staring is a bit harsh of a word to use, I mostly glance…often.  Well, in my often glancing I sometimes spot a very cute gentleman.  Let me just say this, I am not at the gym to pick up a man.  If it happens to happen well then that’s great but I am not the girl who dresses for guys when she works out.  I NEVER wear makeup because it ends up all over my shirt or running down my face.  I also do not do cute workout clothes because I go for comfort and functionality.  I wear mostly spandex capris with various T-shirts I’ve gotten from my job.  Yep, free T-shirts are my go to.  T-shirts are absorbent and offer full coverage so they are the best option for me.  I have enough anxiety about the amount of sweat pouring down my body in a T-shirt and I know those flimsy tank tops will not contain all of it.  It really is a courtesy to those around me.  Another item I inherited from my dad is that I’m a head sweater.  I’m not sure why but I primarily sweat from my head.  It’s like I’m raining.  Gross, I know, but these are the details that I feel my readers need to know about me.  Sweaters unite!  I really think if you don’t sweat that you’re an alien being.  I’m automatically suspicious of you and hate you immediately. 

Anyway, I have deduced that it is impossible to pick up anyone at the gym because a lot of attendees forego wedding rings.  I wear a ring on my right hand all the time but I do take it off at the gym.  It’s incredibly uncomfortable to lift weights in a ring and this girl doesn’t have time for callouses.  Well, the absence of wedding bands has gotten me a little frustrated.  There was a cute boy at the gym who never had a ring on.  He and his friend, who always wore a wedding band, were there every morning when my gym partner, Alexa, and I were there, too.  Alexa is married and she, too, sometimes doesn’t wear a ring.  I thought it was so cute that there was a married guy with his single friend and Alexa is married and I’m her single friend.  It was basically fate.  One day, we were lifting next to them and I heard Boy say something about in-laws.  Rut roh.  Maybe I misheard him?  It is loud in here with the music and the grunting from the gang of older men in the corner.  No such luck.  Later that week he was there with wedding ring.  False advertisement at its finest.  Well this morning I was bit again by absence of ring.  There is a new boy at the gym that is so cute.  We will call him Ryan.  FYI, I do know his real name because someone called to him across the gym one day but he shall remain anonymous as Gainesville only has a few gyms and I am known at mine.  Ryan NEVER has a ring on.  He’s been attending the gym during my early morning time for about 3 months now and I’ve never seen a ring or a ring tan line.  I really thought we had a moment yesterday morning when I got off the treadmill to stretch and he was in the stretch section.  We caught eyes and I got really uncomfortable as I was, as usual, raining sweat.  This morning, I log on to Facebook and in the People You May Know (and are probably purposefully not friending) was Ryan!  I have 2 friends in common with him and I squinted at the picture and recognized his familiar face.  The people I didn’t recognize in his profile pic were his wife and child.  Whomp whomp. 

Moral of the story, kids, is that people at the gym you don’t interact with really are strangers.  I feel like I know some of them because I see them every morning and smile at them when we recognize each other in Target but they are strangers.  They can be single, married, gay, straight, serial killers or brain surgeons.  You just never know.  Avoid any embarrassment and just focus on yourself when you’re there.  Bust it out in the gym to look better in your everyday surroundings and that’s where you can pick up a date.  I’m still waiting to meet Mr. Right at the grocery store as we both reach for the same apple.  I did warn you that I thought my life was like a movie! 

If you’re reading and you happen to be a single, straight, brain surgeon feel free to say hi at the gym.  I’m the girl who’s melting.  I promise I’m cute in real life.

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