Sunday, September 28, 2014

Light 'em Up and Let 'em Go

I’m behind on posts this week because I’ve been super swamped at work. I apologize to those of you who are disappointed (dad). I also wanted to wait until after Thursday because it’s my self-weigh-in day so I could announce that I officially hit the 75 lb. mark! That’s two weeks ahead of schedule and I hope I’m not jinxing it. Also, Thursday wrapped up week 36 of this journey and I have 10 weeks to lose 17 lbs. Oh, and in those 10 weeks I have a wedding, 2 big football tailgates, Florida-Georgia game weekend and THANKSGIVING. I’m stressin’, y’all.

On my path of choosing happiness, I slowly realize that I need to let go of a lot of negative things I’ve been holding onto from the past. I’m going to quote a very famous Carrie (Bradshaw) here, “Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.” While the primary route of my happy is through physical well-being, this journey has spurred me to seek emotional and spiritual well-being, too. I’m going for a balanced happiness, if you will. Recently, I’ve been finding myself extremely emotional at the slightest things. One morning, on the way home from the gym, I started crying. I was so tired and felt so accomplished. There were all these emotions stirring inside me that tears began to fall. I’ve undergone some major changes on this journey. If you’ve ever finally been successful at something you thought was impossible then you can relate. Have you ever hit rock bottom with fear of not being able to get back up? Have you ever buried yourself so deep into something that you couldn’t see the light anymore? I reached the point where I gave up. I gave up thinking that I would ever change because it was just going to be too hard and too much work. I rationalized that I was going to be fat forever and believed that being obese was how I was supposed to live life. Finally, with a little push from Fireball shots and a friend, came my ah-ha moment. To turn it around and realize I was wrong for so long is emotional. To sacrifice what I have and to devote my entire life to this journey is emotional. To finally stand up and say aloud that I deserve better is emotional. To find the strength to climb out of that deep hole, fill it back with dirt and start at ground level is emotional. Therefore, I am emotional.

Bye bye negative!
I made a post-it pile of all the emotions, people, negative statements, hurtful names and symbols of before Sarah that need to be rid of. Next, I torched those suckers. I am letting go of what was and moving forward into what will be. I am no longer hanging on to people who bring me down or put me in a negative head space. I’m no longer allowing myself to assume failure will follow me wherever I go. I burned lazy, fat, jiggly, weak, big, slow (and many more) statements and the voices who past spoke them turned to ash. I have enough physical weight to lose without the added emotional weight of these post-its. I’m full-speed ahead at these next 10 weeks and ready to smash my goals. It’s been a few days since the ceremonial burning and I, weirdly, do feel emotionally lighter. There’s no use in keeping hate, anger, worry or stress inside. I made a conscious decision to choose happy and must live up to that through and through.

Anyone else need a match?

4 comments:

Tracey Torres said...

So proud. ...That is all

Sarah Stewart said...

You'd be even more proud if you could see what is on the post its at the bottom of the pile :). I'm proud of you, friend!

Proud Papadopolous said...

It was worth it to wait a week for another excellent post. Burn, baby, burn! As you might imagine, I have a pile to torch on December 5th! You're very inspirational!

Sarah Stewart said...

You know I always love a good backyard fire! No s'mores.