Monday, October 27, 2014

Fat Girl Walking

It’s the dreaded words that everyone hates to hear, “We need to talk.” Usually, they’re said by your significant other who has finally decided they can’t stand you and want to break up. Or, worse, it’s your boss telling you that they’re restructuring and you’ve been chosen to be relocated to another job at another company. This time was not even close to either of those scenarios. It was my friend, Michelle, and she had a serious look of concern on her face. I sat down in the chair in her office (we’re also coworkers) and I asked, “Okay. What is it?” What came out of her mouth next, I never dreamed. Michelle said, “We need to talk about your walk. You still have a fat-girl walk.” I countered, “Me? I walk like a fat girl? What does that mean? Do you think other people have noticed?” I think she could hear the panic in my voice. She calmly told me that it’s okay and we can work on it. She then had me strut past her office and I focused really hard on walking up straight and as normal as possible. She said I wasn’t doing it that time but I was instead walking like a zombie. Well, great.

We made plans to go to the mall the next day with plenty of area for me to walk and her to critique me. It was decided that my fat-girl-esque walk comes from me lowering my shoulders and occasionally swaying when I walk. After years of self-esteem issues and wanting to blend (aka be lower than everyone), I don’t walk up straight. The swaying, however, is a habit derived from a self-consciousness over hearing my thighs rub together. Every girl owns a pair of pants that’s made of that specific fabric that makes the swish, swish noise when you walk. No, not corduroy. I’ve never owned corduroy. My office is a very quiet environment at times and I can hear myself walking down the corridor, so I sway. I’m sure that’s why so many girls strive for that thigh gap, so that they can walk confidently in quiet places. It’s embarrassing and it’s like I’m announcing to my floor that I have arrived for the day. Sarah’s here! You can hear her and her thighs coming up the stairs.

With research, development and some thigh toning exercises, I hope to shed my fat-girl walk. I’m admitting it to all of you in my world with hopes that you help correct me. Feel free to make a buzzer sound when I slouch or sway. It takes a village and I strive to one day glide confidently from room to room. I want to thank Michelle for providing me an opportunity for self-improvement. I love you for your honesty and willingness to still be seen in public with me despite my fatty-person gait.

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