Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Regrets? Yeah, I've Got Those.

I’ve been thinking a lot the last few days about regrets and why people have such an aversion to them. There are a million quotes out there about not regretting things because they are what have shaped you to who you are. I think people adopt the mantra of “regret nothing” without thinking about what it actually means. I believe that if you don’t have regret over a situation or decision made then you won’t do differently the next time and it won’t be a learning opportunity. I’m currently dealing with regret over eating all the cake in the state of Alabama last weekend. You can’t tell me that if Doc Brown and Marty showed up in a DeLorean you wouldn’t have a few moments you’d like to revisit from your past. I can think of several that I would like to use a flux capacitor on. Regret, to me, signifies that you acknowledge a decision you made and wish you’d gone the other way. Having regret, means that the next time a similar situation comes along, you’ll know what side to choose.

I have major regret over not starting this journey sooner in my life. I would wholeheartedly go back in time and slap that girl in the face and tell her that she needs to get her shit together. I missed out on so much of my life because I was stuck in a body that couldn’t keep up. Feeling this pit of regret deep inside me, makes me appreciate how far I’ve come so much more and forces me to remember how I don’t want to ever go back to how I was. The regret hangs over me and will fuel me forward to not undo all that I’ve accomplished these last 10 months. Losing weight would have been much easier when I was younger and it certainly would have made high school and college better. Sometimes we’re not successful at things because we’re not ready. Before this point in my life, I wasn’t ready. I hadn’t reached the point where I could achieve long-term success because I hadn’t accepted how big of a problem my weight was to my life. The consequence is dealing with the, “What if?”

I don’t see feeling regret as a negative. I positively accept regret and consciously use it to be a better me. I regret hurtful words I’ve said about people in the past and now practice taking the high road. I regret being a bitchy teenager to my parents and now use every opportunity I can to appreciate them and see them as often as possible. I regret being scared about taking risks and am making plans to seek more adventure. I regret not dreaming bigger and am striving to conceive life-defining goals. I regret leaving words unsaid, burying feelings and holding back out of fear of a broken heart. I’m still working on this one, okay? I can’t do everything at once. :)

Basically, I’m telling you that I’m going to live with regret because it will inevitably lead to a better Sarah. She’s a work in progress, y’all. She’s learning from her mistakes, striving for better and stripping off layers that she used to hide beneath.

I’m not doing a Supa Proud award this week because I’m just not feeling it today as I have the heaviest of hearts on this day every year. I will instead do an In Memorandum. Today marks 12 years since the passing of one of my best friends, my Uncle Tom. It’s hard to believe that I’m just a few years away from being without him as long as I knew him. His death was sudden and didn’t give us a chance to say goodbye. I know that he would be supa proud of me and my family and all that we have accomplished and come through over the years. Take today and every day to be thankful for what you have, tell people you love them and be kind one another. Life is incredibly fragile and short. We have to live it while there’s living to be had.

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