Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Even My Dog is Chubby

Anyone remember that weirdo impression you did as a kid of the kid named Chubby? You know, where you smush your cheeks together and say, “My name is Chubby. My mom’s chubby, my dad’s chubby and even my dog is chubby.” First, what the hell? Why was this remotely entertaining as a child? Second, I wish I could remember the rest. I really hope someone knows what I’m talking about otherwise I sound like a lunatic. Nothing new. Three weeks ago, I took Oliver to the vet for his annual checkup. Little man weighed in at 23 lbs! He used to teeter between 17 and 20 lbs. but this is definitely the heaviest he’s been. The vet comes in and we’ve never met before. He’s a new doctor on staff and is supaaaaaaa cute. I digress. The first thing we talk about is how Oliver is overweight. Poor guy. I felt like I needed to explain that Oliver comes from a chubby family but we’re really working on getting ourselves on the right path. I mean, he just turned 5 years old and he’s been less active lately. I felt like I was in trouble for Oliver being a chunky monkey. Because Ollie is a dachshund, excessive weight can be really dangerous for his back. All I could think of in that vet office was Chubby and his family’s epidemic of being fat. Then, I was embarrassed because I convinced myself that they were judging me being overweight so naturally I’d have an overweight dog. Yes, I realize that this is all probably in my head but these are the actual conversations I have with myself.

After a shot and several treats, Oliver and I headed home to begin his new diet plan. He’s on reduced food and I swear he’s depressed over it. Last night he laid by the kitchen with the biggest, sad eyes looking at me and then looking toward the kitchen. I get it, bud, you’re hungry. Join the club. We’re getting T-shirts. I was quickly able to distract him with a toy much in the way I distract myself from hunger with shopping. This morning, we had a conversation about the importance of exercise and healthy eating habits. I told Oliver that he needed to stop finding waffles and cheeseburgers in the bushes on our walks (yep, that happens all the time). There was that time I had to pick him up and carry him because he was fighting me so badly to get to a Swiss cake roll. He can also spot a McDonald’s bag from about 100 feet away. Seriously, who is leaving uneaten French fries in the parking lot? You need to reevaluate your life. They say that dogs resemble their owners! Oliver has my attitude, is super cuddly and loves all things food.  Just like his momma.

The entire Stewart household is officially dieting and exercising more. I can’t believe it! I also can’t believe that “smush” isn’t a real word. The red squiggly line underneath it in Word told me so.

This week my Supa Proud Award is going to...drum roll, please...THE FLORIDA GATORS!  Holy, Moses, I can't believe the game against UGA this past weekend.  I might take back all the mean things I said about Will Muschamp IF he can pull out a win against Florida State, too.  Hey, a girl can dream!  Happy Wednesday and, as always, go gators!


Unknown said...

I literally laughed out loud after I read the first few sentences. Why did we find doing that funny as a kid?! Oh man lol

Unknown said...

"Mama said, Chubby..I wanna see you smile"

Unknown said...

YES! Hahahaha. So dumb!

Unknown said...

Haha! I have NO clue. I'm so glad you know what I'm talking about and I wasn't the only kid doing this!