Monday, February 16, 2015

You're (Not) Gonna Miss me When I'm Gone

The first post I read by Andie Mitchell when I stumbled upon her blog,, was a list of things that she will miss about life prior to weight loss and a list of what she won’t miss. Andie included this post in her memoir, It Was Me All Along. Inspired, I decided to make my own list. Hope you don’t mind, Andie!

What I miss about life at 291 lbs.:

Ordering whatever I wanted at a restaurant without pause. A menu being vast with endless options of delectable cuisine.

Unruly grocery store trips where planning my weekly menu was fun. French pasta, cheeseburgers, PB&J, mac ‘n’ cheese, potatoes au gratin, brie and turkey sandwiches. Whatever I craved, I could buy and make.

Convenience. Running through McDonald’s on a road trip, when I was late for work and needed breakfast or those hectic days at work with no time for lunch.

Pizza. Holy shit, I miss pizza. It’s easy, amazingly delicious and so versatile. Whether delivery or making it at home, I miss pizza.

Cheetos puffs and the orange fingertips they’d leave me with.

Ben, Jerry, Bluebell and that cute little Dough Boy.

Little Debbie Valentine's Day hearts.  The vanilla ones frosted in light pink (a torture recently!). They just taste better than any other holiday even though they are exactly the same minus shape and color.

Parties, gatherings, nights out with friends, etc. Not having to eat before the party or pray they serve options I can actually eat. Going to dinner at a friend’s house and not having to ask what they’re cooking before I can accept the invitation. Girls' nights being limitless.

Never being asked, “Can you eat here?” “Can you eat this?” or any of the other questions assuming I live such a horrible life now.

Mexican food. All of it. I miss every cheesy, pico-filled bite.

Mom’s pancakes, chocolate chip cookies, brownies, chicken parmigana and cupcakes.

Baking and the satisfaction of a successful cupcake recipe. Devouring my job well done after they were perfectly frosted.

What I’ll never miss about life at 291 lbs.:

Being out of breath climbing the 1 flight of stairs to my office.

The daily heartburn. The feeling of it creeping on and hurrying to pop some TUMs before it sets in. Preemptively taking antacids to combat before eating out and stashing them in my purse just in case. 

Sweating.  Yes, it's still in excess but nowhere near as bad!

Only being able to shop in plus-size sections or stores.

Being so limited in my clothing options.

Paying more for clothes because plus-size is always more expensive (because of additional fabric?).

Trying on clothes and feeling so disgusting in everything.

Worse, that awful feeling when you realize you have gone up a size and everything you own is too tight.

Feeling confined by the fatty walls around me.

Wondering if furniture will hold my weight, if I’ll be able to keep up on vacations or looking at weight restrictions before certain activities.

Always being the fat friend.

The stares, the cruel names or taunts.

Dreading any occasion or vacation that called for a bathing suit. Ripping off my cover up and sprinting from my lounge chair into the water in hopes that no one would see.

Waiting.  Impatiently waiting.  Constantly waiting for my real life to begin.

Wondering as each year passed if it would be the one where my wishes and prayers would come true and I’d wake up skinny.

Writing the list of things I miss from life at 291 lbs. was actually really difficult. It’s mostly comprised of food and with work and time I’ll be able to enjoy those things (in moderation) again. Okay, so life was easier and definitely tasted better but it will never surmount the emotions that accompany being fat. I won’t ever miss the shame, discomfort or confinement those pounds added to life.  I hope you have an amazing week, peeps!


Kate said...

This is such a fantastic post! The one about waiting for your life to start really struck a chord with me!

You're SUCH an inspiration!!

Kate :) (Brittney's British friend)

Amanda said...

This is so great! Sarah I love that you are blogging! It's such an awesome way to share your journey and it helps you stay focused on your goals and feelings when you're able to write it out! I love it :)