Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Shipwrecked

June 2013                                June 2015
If y’all don’t know it yet, my parents are freaking awesome. They celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary in June and treated our family to a cruise vacay. Yeah, they reach a milestone and bring their kids with them to celebrate—life is SO hard. I haven’t been on a cruise since our big family trip two years ago to Greece, Venice and Croatia to celebrate mom’s retirement (again, a nod to their awesomeness and love of me/us). The photos that are my permanent memories of that vacation were a huge factor in realizing that I had a problem. I can vividly remember scrolling through the photos on Facebook that I was tagged in and being embarrassed. I couldn’t believe how BIG I was. I have a love/hate of these pictures. I love to see how far I’ve come and I loved that trip but I hate that the once-in-a-lifetime vacation was clouded by my fat ass. Looking back now, I don’t remember being that overweight. Sitting in a too small airplane seat for hours, being out of breath walking around the gorgeous cities I visited and just being so damned uncomfortable all the time. Tight pants, tight shirts, tight seat belts, tightness all around me. What I can’t figure out is how I fit in the shower. I am 90 lbs. lighter and smaller by 5 sizes and I could BARELY fit in the shower on this most recent cruise. Also, all the stairs! Waiting for an elevator can be tortuous so you end up walking up flights upon flights of stairs. How did fat Sarah make it to dinner every night? Yeah right, like she’d ever miss a meal. Can we talk about all the food on a cruise? Serve yourself ice cream, buffets open all the time, dessert for days and as many dinners as you want! Most nights, I ate two desserts and I didn’t give a rats. Life is about enjoying myself and my vacations. However, if I bit a cookie and it wasn’t good it went into the trash because it’s just not worth the calories. I can tell you that the bread pudding WAS worth every last drop. I died. Let’s just say, I had a great time.


I promised myself that the cruise was the last hurrah and I would get my act together once back on dry land. False.  Life has been ice cream, donuts, bagels, french fries, chips and salsa, and fast food.  As you can tell from my last post, I’m dating someone and life has been really hard. Juggling a new relationship, gym time, work, Oliver, my friends, family, etc. is proving to be really difficult and I deal with difficult things by eating foods I shouldn’t. I know what you’re thinking and he isn’t the problem—he’s disgustingly healthy and tracks macros just like I (attempt) to do. I had such bad anxiety when we first started dating that I lost a bunch of weight and was ½ a pound from making 100 lbs. lost. Well, that ended REAL QUICK. So, dear reader, I am shipwrecked. I’m stranded on a food island that I can’t manage to get off of. I just imagined myself fashioning a raft out of Twinkies and Twizzlers with a Fruit Roll Up sail, and a Twix for an oar.  Another let's get serious, I'd eat it all before making it to shore.  Low point.  Needless to say, I've gained some pounds and am determined to get back to that new relationship weight. Today marks day 1 of starting over and I’m serious this time. I realigned some goals and am putting it out there for you guys to see so that I am accountable. I say it all the time but it still rings true, it’s not about getting knocked down but in how you get back up. I recognize my problems and getting my butt in gear. Here we go, AGAIN…


September 10th: 110 lb. goal (avg. 2 lbs. per week)

December 3rd: 120 lb. goal (avg. 1.5 lbs. per week)



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