Monday, April 4, 2016

The Clock Don't Stop

There’s something amazing to be said for timing. Weight loss, and many other aspects of life, are all about when you’re ready. If you’re not ready to shed the pounds, get healthy and lose, you will struggle with yourself and not be successful. I have been forcing so many things in life. I’ve been forcing the timing of getting back on track, which only frustrates me when the scale doesn’t move. I’ve been forcing some emotions to remain deep inside, which only makes them angry and want to surface more. The truth that I’ve been hiding from is I haven’t been taking care of me. I’m having sleep issues again, so I take OTC stuff to sleep, which causes me to need 8 hours and I, therefore, can’t wake up to get to the gym. I’m being incredibly unhealthy and the root of the issue is not sleeping. Sleep is how we reset, we find peace, we dream. Life requires sleep. The weight, the stress, the anxiety are all symptoms of not getting back to basics and sleeping. No, it’s not caffeine and it’s not from lack of exercise. This is a deeper issue and I’m trying to figure it out.

Life is, hopefully, an incredibly long journey and a friend helped me to realize that this is MY JOURNEY. It was chosen for me, it was created for me, and it was designed with me in mind. Everyone has issues/struggles/battles and person A’s do not diminish person B’s. It’s possible that struggle was determined before birth in this life. My struggle, for this lifetime, is lack of self-love, self-acceptance, and comfort and happiness with myself. The weight I bear is a result of not dealing with this.  I assumed that an inability to find anyone to love me was because I was fat.  False, I don't accept me, I don't love me, and I don't want to be alone with myself--why would anyone else?

We all have shit in our lives, we all will (or have) faced tragedy, and of all the years we get on this planet they can’t all be rosy. It’s an interesting way to look at life and I challenge you to take this perspective. I woke up today, Monday, feeling completely defeated but one conversation helped me realize that this is my journey, this path was chosen for me, and it’s up to me to learn/grow/flourish not in spite of but because of the obstacles. I am grateful to God (you can choose your deity) for this life and for deeming me strong enough to handle it.  I'm also grateful to the friend who served me with some perspective.  It's all in our hands and our minds are open to anything and everything.  We have the power to create a life we desire, we just have to harness and unleash it.

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