Monday, July 25, 2016

Snip, Snip

Short(er) hair!
I did it. It was huge and scary and much like ripping off a Band Aid. I did it in the moment, without much thinking, I just knew it was time. I had given up too many days, sacrificed too many tears, and allowed myself to become someone I didn’t like. The conversation started with, “I love you but right now I have to love myself more.” It wasn’t healthy. Attempting to be friends with an ex is never a good idea, especially when that person was your first real love. The fighting had started to overshadow what we once were. My happy memories of us were being clouded by anger. When I heard him call someone else, “babe,” it was like a dagger and it was my final straw. I cut him out, cold turkey, which is something I should have done 6 months ago. His biting words and cruel tone made walking away so much easier that day. Snip, snip.

I went to San Francisco for work the next day and felt so much lighter. I didn’t realize what a weight it was carrying that relationship (whatever form it was) around with me. I actually had people comment about how happy I looked. I felt it, too. For the first time in a long time I actually felt like myself again. A week turned to four and now it’s been six and I still feel SO much better. His, “have a nice life,” kept ringing in my ears and it fueled me to stay silent. Truth is, I had a nice life before him and I will have a nice life without him.

When you learn how much you’re worth, you’ll stop giving people discounts. It was time for me to stop giving so many fucking discounts. You don’t want to put in effort-- snip, snip. You don’t want to spend time with me-- snip, snip. You want to ignore me and only talk when it’s convenient for you-- snip, snip. I wasn’t just snipping out people, I decided it was time for a shake up and cut my hair. I am dropping dead weight and dead ends—a whole 8 inches gone!

For the first time in over a year, I’m putting myself first. I need to be my priority and I’m going to be incredibly selfish with my time. In 2014, I made a huge decision to put 100 percent of my focus into weight loss and it’s about time I do it again. How’s the saying go? “If I cut you out, chances are you handed me the scissors.” I’m collecting a ton of scissors, y’all. Demand better of the people you surround yourself with. We all deserve to have friendships and relationships with people who build us up and not tear us down. I am a high-value person and if you don’t like it—snip, snip.